Second Day... and the story continues...

So finally I decided to come back and write something.
You know what. Since it's been long time that I opened my blog page, so I decided to read what i wrote last time and while I was reading my last blog, I got lost in the moments. I never ended my last blog but let me end it now before I start new one. "I moved out of last place" END.
I know no one is going to read it, but still let me write it in a way so that in case some one read it anytime, he/she does not feel bored :)
So, lets start. You must be thinking that I must have fucked up again and that's why I am back. Actually yes, it's partially true. I was running or you may call hiding from all these emotions and feelings all this time but you know when life wants to fuck u, it never ask for permission. It's the worst thing I would ever let happen to me, but as we all know opportunity and shit does not knock before hitting you. This time again, I got a hit. But this one is funny. This time I experimented with myself.
So this time again, this shitty thing what we call feelings, yes feelings, it hit me again for this girl who works in the same office as i do, not sure if she has feelings too. She is friendly, honest, full of flavors, funny, smart, sexy and confident. In other words she is a Complete Character :). And most of all she is real.
I did my best to avoid and stop myself from entering into this Danger Zone of Love. But I wish God would have given controllers in our hand. so it hit me hard from no where and before I could realize I was in Danger Zone. I started to hang out with her, spent most of my time to know here more and more and started feeling that this time its for real, I like everything about her, there was nothing for what i could say that i don't like her....you know what actually yes there is thing that I must mention that i like but its not right. She has this naughtiness of messing up with people for no reason,. When I say messing up, I mean as in a funny way.
So, now you all know i was fucked up by now and still could not help myself. I was just going with the flow, or seems like some one else was controlling me or pushing me to go and get fucked up. So once again life acted in a bitchy way and played another game with me. Why? I am still trying to find an answer for that. If you are reading this and know the answer then please please please let me know.
I got this feeling that I might end up again in friend zone which i can't handle. Honestly being in friend zone sucks big time ...we all know it so lets admit ;)
By the time you are reading this blog, I don't know where I am and what I am doing. May be life did not ditch me or may be I got fucked up badly this time. I simply don't know but I am still trying for this girl.
In last few days things turned very ugly and i guess i made my mind to not to try any more or be in friend zone. Let's try turning things around this time and prove that I still own my life and no one can just come and fuck me up. If you love me, then you need to show me or at least give me some clues.............

First Day of Blogging

It's been three days that I decided to start writing a blog and express myself. I don't know what kept me so busy that I keep forgetting about it. Is it something that I am scared of or may be I am just confused in my life about what I want in my life?

This is my first day of blogging about myself so I am little confuse how to start writing about myself and share what I feel about what I used to think is an ideal world and how it is different from me as in real life. Every time I tried to be serious in my life, i don't why but it kicked me back and laughed at me for some unknown reason that I need to find out. Why it happened to me again, why i can't have a simple life? I am not saying that I deserve the best out of life but I simply think why I can't have an ordinary life? It's been 5 years that it happened to me for the first time and now it's happening again. Only I know how I overcome those years of pain, sadness and anger but I don't understand why it's happening again. After all those years, I started thinking that I grew stronger and I won't let it happen to me again but I was wrong and it's happening again. Sometime i just think why life doesn't have a reset button or may be clear button which we can use to get away from all the memories that we never wanted to have. Imagine how different life would be if it's possible to have this clear button, one time you press it and all the bad memories you want to get rid off goes away. So SIMPLE. Right? But no, that's not what is real. In reality you have to go through these situations again and again to become more and more stronger. I don't know how many people agree with me but that's what I believe or may be it's my way of positive thinking towards what's coming next: either good or bad.

I know no one will be reading this blog, it's only me but still I wanted to take time to write something about me and life as I see it and believe it.

It's been 3 days that I am trying to figure out why I let it happen again. Why? Sometimes I am so confused about if I am real or just leaving a fake life with fake smile on face and pretend as if I am very happy and satisfied with everything around me. But honestly I don't think that's true. Some where inside me I am so lonely that some times I start to think if this is what I wanted in my life? I used to tell everyone that Life is how you take it and not what you think if it. But today when I look back, I and see myself committing the same mistake again I feel sorry for myself. I know if some one read this blog any time he/she might get offended that I used the word mistake for the most happening thing in this world. I know it's the best feeling in the world to fall in love because it's something that you can't do but it happens itself, though you can't control it even then you never want it to end.

I don't know how far i can go this way, i mean being so confused. But yes I will definitely make my dreams come true. I will achieve what I want to, no matter what happens I will keep going because I have to and I don't have a choice. So many things in my mind right now, but it's already late so I should go now. I will come again soon. I think I should include it in my routine to write about myself often.

I hope to feel better soon and will keep writing........