This is my first day of blogging about myself so I am little confuse how to start writing about myself and share what I feel about what I used to think is an ideal world and how it is different from me as in real life. Every time I tried to be serious in my life, i don't why but it kicked me back and laughed at me for some unknown reason that I need to find out. Why it happened to me again, why i can't have a simple life? I am not saying that I deserve the best out of life but I simply think why I can't have an ordinary life? It's been 5 years that it happened to me for the first time and now it's happening again. Only I know how I overcome those years of pain, sadness and anger but I don't understand why it's happening again. After all those years, I started thinking that I grew stronger and I won't let it happen to me again but I was wrong and it's happening again. Sometime i just think why life doesn't have a reset button or may be clear button which we can use to get away from all the memories that we never wanted to have. Imagine how different life would be if it's possible to have this clear button, one time you press it and all the bad memories you want to get rid off goes away. So SIMPLE. Right? But no, that's not what is real. In reality you have to go through these situations again and again to become more and more stronger. I don't know how many people agree with me but that's what I believe or may be it's my way of positive thinking towards what's coming next: either good or bad.
I know no one will be reading this blog, it's only me but still I wanted to take time to write something about me and life as I see it and believe it.
It's been 3 days that I am trying to figure out why I let it happen again. Why? Sometimes I am so confused about if I am real or just leaving a fake life with fake smile on face and pretend as if I am very happy and satisfied with everything around me. But honestly I don't think that's true. Some where inside me I am so lonely that some times I start to think if this is what I wanted in my life? I used to tell everyone that Life is how you take it and not what you think if it. But today when I look back, I and see myself committing the same mistake again I feel sorry for myself. I know if some one read this blog any time he/she might get offended that I used the word mistake for the most happening thing in this world. I know it's the best feeling in the world to fall in love because it's something that you can't do but it happens itself, though you can't control it even then you never want it to end.
I don't know how far i can go this way, i mean being so confused. But yes I will definitely make my dreams come true. I will achieve what I want to, no matter what happens I will keep going because I have to and I don't have a choice. So many things in my mind right now, but it's already late so I should go now. I will come again soon. I think I should include it in my routine to write about myself often.
I hope to feel better soon and will keep writing........
